


A Terrible Choice of Words

by agressivePushover, Doubloon



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Bloodloss, Eridan is Sad, Everybody's an Asshole, First story, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, injuries, why did i think this was a good idea
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-10 14:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agressivePushover/pseuds/agressivePushover, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doubloon/pseuds/Doubloon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Eridan is trying to cope with change, and Sollux doesn't really help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eridan: Be a distant piece of shit

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, let's get on with it. So, this is my first fanfiction. That means it is probably gonna suck massive dicks (even though ive been workin on this for about a month). Also I really like to make Eridan miserable at every turn. Just saying.  
> Um...  
> Please be gentle...  
> Aaaaand  
> Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan trolls Sollux, and they actually have a civil conversation.  
> Of course, Sollux somehow finds a way to mess it up.

You sit at your husktop and stare into the blank screen, eyes glazed over with boredom and lack of sleep. The ever-present storm is raging on outside your hive. It has been stronger than usual as of late, even powerful enough to nearly blow over your hive, so you had thought it best to stay inside for as long as you possibly could before inevitably having to go out and feed Feferi's lusus. You let a long drawn out sigh escape your lips before waking up your husktop and logging on to trollian. Oh... It looks like the only one avaliable who can still at least somewhat tolerate your existence is...

 _Him_...

Oh well. You are kind of way too bored to care at this point.

 

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]\--

TA: oh  
CA: oh  
TA: well look who iit ii2  
CA: you answwered  
CA: hey sol  
TA: 2up fii2hdiick  
TA: 2o what have you come to bother me about  
CA: nothin really  
TA: well that'2 odd  
CA: just wwanted someone to talk to  
TA: u2ually you're full of drama and thiing2 two rub iin my face  
TA: well, ii gue22 ii can't blame you there  
TA: con2iideriing ii wa2n't talkiing two anyone eiither  
CA: yeah  
CA: i just dont reely feel like drama today  
TA: okay  
TA: thii2 ii2 actually concerniing me a liittle  
CA: dammit i mean really  
CA: is it  
TA: iit kiinda ii2, yeah  
CA: wwell um  
TA: ii'm 2o u2ed two your bubbly per2onaliity walkiing iin and telliing me all the thiing2 ii'm not  
TA: no pun iintended damn iit  
CA: heh  
CA: wwell  
CA: todays just kinda an off day for me I guess  
TA: defiiniitely  
TA: you don't 2eem liike your2elf  
CA: shit the ceilins leakin again  
CA: goddamn shipwwreck hivve  
CA: hold on im gonna get somethin to hold the ceilin wwater  
TA: okay  
CA: kay im back  
CA: so  
CA: um  
CA: wwhats up i guess  
TA: nothiing much  
TA: codiing  
TA: hackiing  
TA: the u2ual unliively 2hiit  
TA: what'2 up wiith you?  
CA: nothin just hangin around my hivve alone like usual  
TA: any update2 on that quarant 2earchiing?  
CA: no i kinda gavve up on that a feww wweeks ago  
TA: oh  
TA: really?  
CA: yeah  
CA: also in case ya didnt hear um  
CA: fef broke up wwith me  
CA: like  
CA: yesterday  
CA: so  
CA: um  
CA: that is a thin  
TA: oh  
TA: well 2hiit  
CA: but its fine i mean  
CA: its cool  
CA: so cool  
CA: ya dont evven knoww sol  
TA: ed  
TA: ii'm goiing two be hone2t  
TA: you 2ound depre22ed a2 fuck  
CA: yeah  
CA: maybe  
TA: and not even ii have hiit that low iin a couple of week2  
CA: okay  
CA: um  
TA: you're not fiine  
CA: i  
CA: need a minute

You put your hand over your mouth, trying to suppress your urge to cry because fuck, what are you doing, you platonically hate this guy so much it's not even a thing(although the constant fighting has certainly been dying down a bit lately). You... You can't keep letting your guard down this is not okay fucking STOP YOU IDIOTIC DOUCHE-NOZZLE!

CA: hey  
CA: im back  
TA: okay  
TA: 2o a2 ii wa2 2ayiing  
TA: you're not fiine  
TA: or okay  
TA: or whatever the fuck you want two call iit  
CA: sol  
CA: really  
CA: im fine  
CA: its nothin i cant handle  
CA: ill pull through  
CA: happens...  
TA: okay, hold up  
TA: two quote your own lovely phra2e, you're "spewwin bullshit"  
TA: you ju2t u2ed fuckiing punctuatiion2  
TA: you never do that  
TA: ever  
TA: 2o iif ii wa2nt doubtiing you before, ii 2ure a2 hell am now  
CA: sol really theres nothin wwrong okay so get outa my cod damn business  
CA: GOD I MEANT GOD FUCK  
TA: holy 2hiit ed  
TA: now you're ju2t proviing my poiint  
TA: but you won't fuckiing LET ME HELP  
TA: no wonder ff broke up wiith you  
CA: oh  
CA: ok  
CA: thanks a lot sol  
CA: REALLY FUCKIN APPRECIATE IT

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]\--

TA: god damn iit eriidan ii diidn't  
TA: fuck


	2. Sollux: Bask in the ever-present glory of your asshole-like tendencies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux asks Karkat for help. Silly annalogies and teasing ensue.

Your name is Sollux Captor, and you are the stupidest troll on the fucking planet. Why would you say that? You were trying to get him to open up, not to close in on himself even more! The conversation was already a ticking emotional time bomb without you squirting grub juice in the metaphorical wound!  
You need to talk to someone.

 

\--twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]\--

TA: hey kk  
CG: WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY NEED THAT IS IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO PULL ME AWAY FROM MY OBVIOUSLY *MORE* IMPORTANT LIFE.  
CG: SOMETHING THAT YOU DO NOT SEEM TO HAVE, BY THE WAY.  
CG: I WAS BUSY, SHITSPONGE.  
TA: wiith what  
TA: workiing on your half-a22ed attempt2 at decent codiing?  
TA: or watchiing one of your 2hiitty romcom2  
CG: FUCK YOU, I'M GREAT AT CODING. AND YOU CAN JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT MY ROMCOMS, YOU WOULDN'T KNOW DECENT CINEMA IF IT CRAWLED UP YOUR ASS AND SOMEHOW MANAGED TO GET ALL THE WAY TO YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE AND OUT OF YOUR SQUACK GAPER, ONLY TO TAKE UP RESIDENCE ON YOUR GOD DAMN FACE.  
TA: ehehehe  
TA: but all jokiing a2iide, ii have two talk two you about 2omethiing  
CG: WHAT?  
TA: well, you 2ee, ii wa2 kiinda talkiing two douchefiin earliier and  
CG: WAIT, YOU WERE ACTUALLY TALKING TO AMPORA?  
CG: WILLINGLY?  
TA: ye2, a2 hard two beliieve a2 iit may be, ii wa2 actually talking two ampora iin a manner that wa2 of my own free wiill  
CG: WOW! AMAZING! FUCKING *ASTOUNDING*, EVEN! I AM IN ABSOLUTE *AWE* RIGHT NOW! WHAT NEXT, ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THAT THE CONVERSATION WAS *CIVIL* AS WELL?  
TA: actually, yeah, iit wa2  
CG: WAIT, SERIOUSLY?  
TA: ye2  
CG: HOLY FUCK, THIS IS LIKE A CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT FOR THE TWO OF YOU.  
TA: yeah ii gue22  
TA: but that2 not the poiint  
CG: NO, I'M ACTUALLY BEING HONEST HERE.  
CG: THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. EVER.  
CG: WAIT, IT'S NOT?  
TA: no  
TA: 2o anyway2, ed and ii were talking, but well  
TA: he wa2 actiing kiinda weiird  
TA: liike he actually wa2n't beiing a melodramatiic douchebag for once  
CG: WELL, I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW ELSE YOU THINKPAN-ADDLED FUCKCRUMPETS WOULD ACTUALLY PLAY NICE.  
TA: let me fiinii2h  
TA: 2o ii wa2 actually a liittle concerned ii gue22 2iince he ALWAY2 ha2 2omethiing rude two 2ay  
TA: and then the conver2atiion eventually led two hiim telliing me that ff broke up wiith hiim  
CG: WAIT.  
TA: al2o, he had already 2ounded pretty fuckiing depre22ed through the whole god damn talk, 2o thii2 wa2 pretty much liike the cherry on top of the 2hiit 2undae  
CG: FEFERI ACTUALLY CALLED IT OFF?  
CG: BUT HE'S ALWAYS GOING ON ABOUT HOW THEY'RE "FATED TO BE" OR SOME SHIT.  
TA: yeah ii know  
TA: ii wa2 kiinda a huge a22 two hiim, though  
TA: um, ii'll ju2t 2end you the log

\--twinArmageddons [TA] sent carcinoGeneticist [CG] a file [iim2ofuckiing2tupid.txt]\--

CG: OH, WOW.  
CG: YOU WERE RIGHT, THERE IS NERRY AN INSULT NOR HEMOSPECTRAL SLUR TO BE FUCKING FOUND IN THIS WHOLE GOD DAMN LOG.  
CG: OH..  
TA: yep  
CG:OH SHIT.  
TA: pretty much  
CG: SO UM...  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?  
TA: ii don't know  
TA: talk two hiim?  
CG: YEAH, SURE, I GUESS I COULD DO THAT. I'VE BEEN MEANING TO CHECK UP ON HIM FOR A WHILE TO MAKE SURE HE HASN'T KILLED HIMSELF BY WAY OF HIS OWN IDIOCY.  
TA: okay, tell me what happen2  
TA: al2o a2k iif he'2 mad at me  
TA: and iif he ii2 then tell hiim that ii gue22 ii'm kiind of 2orry maybe?  
TA: but don't do that iif he ii2n't that would ju2t be weiird  
CG: HOLY SHIT, OKAY, I GET IT, GOD.  
TA: ii wa2 ju2t makiing 2ure, geez  
CG: YEAH, YEAH, YOU JUST WANT ME TO GO AND MAKE SURE YOUR MATESPRIT OR WHATEVER IS OKAY AND ALL THAT JAZZ.  
CG: I'LL BE BACK.  
TA: waiit, what

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]\--

TA: god fuckiing DAMN IIT kk


	3. Karkat: Proceed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat tries to console Eridan, but to no avail.

Holy fucking shit god damn it Sollux.

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you are currently trying to get two of your best friends' collective shit together. It is a tedious task to say the least, but hey, at least it's not life-threatening.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]\--

CG: HEY MAN, WHAT'S UP, CAPTOR TOLD ME YOU FREAKED OUT ON HIM.  
CA: go awway kar i dont wwanna talk right noww  
CG: NO, I WON'T GO AWAY, NOT UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG.  
CA: nothins wwrong okay i dont knoww wwhat kinda bullshit lies sol told you but wwhatevver they wwere evverythin he said wwas completely untrue in evvery wway possible im just not in the mood for glubbin about thins okay  
CA: SHIT  
CA:TALKIN I MEANT TALKIN NOT  
CA: not glubbin  
CG: DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK.  
CA: its nothin that wwas nothin  
CA: theres nothin wwrong wwith me honest im fine  
CG: OKAY, HOW ABOUT NO.  
CA: howw about yes noww leavve me the fuck alone  
CG: YOU AREN'T GETTING RID OF ME THAT EASILY.  
CA: cmon kar this is redicurfjkgzvjj  
CA: FUCK  
CG: OKAY, UM, WHAT THE FUCK.  
CG: WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

You are now once again Eridan Ampora, which is a stupid thing to say because you do not remember a time when you were not him... But that isn't important right now. What _is_ important is the fact that the _second_  you decide to switch over to your palmhusk so you can stretch out your legs (you've been sitting at your husktop in that stupid swivle chair for _hours_ ), the storm thinks it is a fucking _wonderful_ idea to send a huge gust of wind your way and tip your hive dangerously to one side, causing one of your particularly heavy book cases to fall over ONTO YOUR GOD DAMN BODY. So here you are, literally being _crushed_ to death by one of your own guilty pleasures. Your arms and legs feel like they're probably not gonna be moving anytime soon, not to mention the fact that your head is spinning faster than a teacup ride, a ride of which you have never even heard of, so.... that analogy was pretty much lost to you. There is something sticky trickling down your face... You try to reach up to your head, which in itself is really hard to do, and somehow manage to touch your forehead through your pain. When you do this, you can feel the warm, gooey stuff ooze all over on your fingers, and you make a disgusted face before bringing your hand down to have a look.  


A hand which is... _covered_ in purple...  


You turn your head in a way that allows you to examine your surroundings, finding, to your dismay (and horror), that the whole area around you is splattered with the very same purple.  
...Nobody can ever know about this.  
You aren't sure why (it's probably the rapidly-accelerating blood loss hindering your rational thought), but, for some reason, you are positive that if anyone finds out, they will never let you live it down.

CG: ERIDAN?  
CG: WHAT'S GOING ON, ARE YOU OKAY?  
CA: sorry yeah im fine somethin fell it wwas really heavvy so it startled me thats all  
CG: OH.  
CG: IS THE STORM HITTING HARD TONIGHT?  
CA: yeah its pretty bad im just glad i tied all the stuff on deck dowwn last night  
CG: WELL THAT'S GOOD.  
CG: OH YEAH, I ALMOST FORGOT.  
CG: SOLLUX WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU ARE STILL MAD AT HIM.  
CA: a little yea  
CG: WELL, IN THAT CASE, HE SAYS THAT HE'S "THORRY," HE GUESSES, MAYBE.  
CA: apollogy NOT exceped  
CA: seriously jus fuck thatguy i dunno wwhy i wwas evvvven tryina be nice t him  
CG: UM, YOU OKAY, DUDE?  
CA: yeeah

Actually, at the moment, you are far from okay, in fact, one could even say that you are the exact _opposite_ of okay. Your ears started ringing a few minutes ago, and you have gone past the point of seeing double, instead seeing three or four of just about everything... And... Wow... This is really trippy... Wait. Now there's beeping, too. You contemplate what that sound could possibly be for several minutes before you finally recognize it as your watch. SHIT. THAT'S YOUR GL'BGOLYB FEEDING TIME ALARM! IT ONLY GOES OFF WHEN IT'S YOUR LAST CHANCE!

CG: YOU SURE?  
CG: ERIDAN?  
CG: HEY, DUDE, ARE YOU THERE?  
CG: ANSWER ME, DOUCHELORD!  
CA: srry ka got go fef luss feedn bye  
CG: WAIT, HOLD ON

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]\--

CG: SHIT

You struggle until you finally escape the heavy furniture and stand up, only to collapse onto the floor in pain. Yep, you definitely hurt your ankle. As you try to get up again, it seems that you also hurt one of your elbows, seeing as it gives out seconds after you try to use it due to the pain of supporting your weight.  


Damn... 

You look over yourself further, only to find that the shoulder of your other arm is... dislocated? Fuck. You put as much pressure as you can on it until you hear the sickening _pop_  that means your shoulder is more or less back in place. That is enough fixing for now... You retrieve Ahab's and walk (stagger-limp) out, not caring how much it hurts to move and not stopping or slowing down for anything, _especially_ your new injuries. Even if every inch of you is tingling and aching, you must press on.  
Gl'bgolyb is waiting.


	4. Eridan: Fail to catch anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan is dumb, and so is everyone else.

You do not, in fact, fail to catch anything. Actually, you just shoot everything in sight because, at the moment, you cannot tell the difference between a lusus and a patch of coral. Feferi should be able to find everything...  
Hopefully...

Ugh...

Oh, looks like someone's been trolling you! You should probably... Answer that er.... Something..

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]\--

CG: ERIDAN?  
CG: ARE YOU THERE, MAN?  
CG: SERIOUSLY, I'M STARTING TO GET A LITTLE WORRIED HERE.  
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT AMPORA, ANSWER ME!  
CA: mh  
CG: OH, THANK FUCKING GOD.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOU? YOU'VE BEEN ACTING REALLY WEIRD.  
CA: nothis rwwong sall good vvvvrythins fin  
CG: DUDE, I COULD BARELY EVEN UNDERSTAND A FUCKING WORD OF THAT.  
CG: ERIDAN. BE HONEST WITH ME. NO MORE BULLSHIT.  
CA: wwajt na i dpon bulklshty whhyd ido that  
CG: ARE YOU OKAY?  
CG: HOLY SHIT ERIDAN YOUR TEXT IS LITERALLY MAKING ME SHIT MYSELF IN SHEER AGONY. WHAT THE FUCK?  
CA: stry  
CA: the krebordes beeni wierd  
CA: an mdisrtactid  
CG: DON'T DODGE THE QUESTION.  
CA: ok ojk  
CA: wwelllllkllll  
CA: fuyo difin ben nerlky crusht t drath byua bookase asok n yeerreeee m fiun  
CG: OKAY, THE ONLY WORDS I EVEN SOMEWHAT UNDERSTOOD IN THAT WERE CRUSHED AND  
CG: BOOK  
CG: CASE  
CG: SHIT.  
CG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T DO SOMETHING STUPID LIKE LEAVE YOUR HIVE.  
CA: k i wwqont  
CG: ...  
CG: YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN, AREN'T YOU.  
CA: wwjat coiesnot  
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT ERIDAN.  
CG: COULD YOU STOP BEING THE MOST IDIOTIC PIECE OF SHIT FOR THE NEXT FEW MINUTES AND GATHER UP THE COMPETENCE TO STAY PUT?  
CA: prollluy yeas  
CG: GOOD. MY EYES ARE FILLING IN, SO I CAN'T RISK LEAVING MY HIVE, BUT I'LL TELL SOLLUX TO COME GET YOU.  
CA: colio  
CG: IF YOU DIE ON ME I SWEAR I WILL BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE JUST TO KILL YOU AGAIN.  
CA: suyuurr ywwill  
CG: FUCK OFF I WILL.  
CA: biy kadr

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]\--

You sigh and close your eyes, letting the icy water consume you and giving in to the darkness that has been slowly eating at your vision.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]\--

CG: ATTENTION ALL NOOKWIFFING ASSHATS.  
CG: WE HAVE A CODE AMPORA ON OUR HANDS.  
CG: I REPEAT, WE HAVE A CODE GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING AMPORA ON OUR HANDS.  
CG: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?  
TA: no, what doe2 that mean  
TA: becau2e iit'2 not liike ii dont giive a 2hiit or anythiing  
TA: NOTHIING liike that  
CG: FIRST OFF, FUCK YOU.  
CG: SECOND OFF, FUCK YOU.  
CG: AND THIRD OFF  
CG: FUCK  
CG: YOU.  
TA: could you make that a liittle clearer, kk?  
TA: ii don't thiink ii am gettiing the me22age  
CG: AMPORA IS DYING, YOU ASSMUNCHING SHITSNIFFER.  
CG: I CAN'T GO FIND HIM WITHOUT THE RISK OF BEING CULLED ON SIGHT, SO I'M ASKING YOU TO DO THIS.  
TA: no  
CG: SOLLUX, I'M SERIOUS, IF HE DIES, I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU, OKAY?  
CG: JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT HIM DEAD DOESN'T MEAN THAT I DO, TOO.  
CG: IF YOU AREN'T GONNA HAVE THE COMMON DECENCY TO DO IT FOR HIM, DO IT FOR ME.  
TA: why  
CG: WE'RE FRIENDS, AREN'T WE?  
CG: FRIENDS HELP EACH OTHER OUT.  
CG: WAIT, ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE?  
TA: fiine, god, ii'll do iit  
TA: and ye2, we are 2tiill friiend2  
CG: OK... GOOD.  
CG: KEEP ME POSTED, OKAY?  
TA: bye, kk

\--twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]\--


	5. Sollux: Procrastinate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the water turns purple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends! I just wanted to drop in and let you know that I now have a beta reader! (VS: Hi there!) They are going to help me out, add stuff as it is needed, and write summaries(VS: E.G, I'm going to break stuff,). Of course, this story is still completely my idea and I will still be the one making all the magic happen, so don't EVEN give them credit for that shit(VS: It's true! *sobbing*). Also, if they change this i will kill them. (VS: eheheheheheheheheh. Love you too. <3)  
> (AP: i cant even believe you right now)
> 
> Enjoy!

Nope. You have shit to do right now. Important shit. Like saving an idiotic hipster fish from his own stupidity.  
...  
Well...  
Maybe you could work on your Cubebuild planet. Just for a little bit.

NO! What are you thinking? You have to go save Eridan!  
But the computer...  
It beckons...

You shake the thought away and move to leave your hive stem, but not before saying goodbye to your bees.  
Which... Takes a little while, seeing as they are almost as stubborn as you. Once you finally get them to stay put, you head out, psionics crackling around you once you are out on the streets(you are a very lazy person who sees no need to walk when you can be SOARING THROUGH THE SKY LIKE A GOD DAMN BEE. This thought strikes you as completely ridiculous. Yes, it is true that you are probably being very lazy, but flying is faster, and judging by the way Karkat was flipping out, faster is definitely better).

You arrive at the shore and immediately start scanning the water for bodies. You really hope that he's close to the mainland...

 

You are now once again Eridan Ampora, and everything is just one huge god damn blur. You can see purple... Lots and lots of purple... But that's about it. You keep trying feverishly to grab it and put it back inside you, where you are almost positive it belongs(although you have no idea why... It's purple... That's a color... Hehe, stupid...), but that only seems to spread it further. You see a light floating down...(Down... Down where? Maybe to a place where there isn't so much purple... Even if it is a really pretty color, it makes you feel... Uneasy, somehow...) You swim after it(Swim? Are you in water? Why would you be in water, though, its too cold for water right now...), barely managing to catch it before it goes too deep.

Oh. It's... Your... Thing... That you... Talk on... And... Say stuff on with... With the little letters... To trolls... Yeah...  
Ohhhh look... Someone's... Doing the thing... You should probably do it back...

\--twinArmaggedons [TA] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]\--

TA: hey fuckface  
TA: where are you  
TA: kk 2ay2 ii gotta 2ave your fii2hy a22  
TA: 2eriiou2ly are you that far from 2hore  
TA: cuz iit'2 really hard two carry fat-a22 douchelords, e2peciially when they're weiighed down by giiant ego2 and 'you're fuckiing tra2h compared two me' attiitude2  
TA: okay iim actually a liittle worriied now  
TA: ed?  
TA: eriidan?  
TA: come on, an2wer me  
CA: hgi  
TA: oh there you are  
CA: wweos thgis  
TA: ...  
TA: what  
CA: *wwohs  
TA: ummm  
TA: ooookay?  
TA: what the fuck  
CA: waht  
TA: thii2 ii2 2ollux?  
TA: captor?  
TA: your "only wworthy advversary"?  
CA: mm  
CA: k  
CA: sers lots a puiroplee hheree  
CA: dyoy knwwo wwht i dint get ir  
TA: fuckiing  
TA: where are you?  
CA: i dnmo  
TA: 2hiit  
TA: um  
TA: 2tay above the water  
TA: okay?  
CA: wwuha wwasrter  
TA: fuckiing chrii2t ed  
TA: ju2t  
TA: 2wiim up untiil your face feel2 diifferent  
CA: cfwwuhy  
TA: BECAU2E II CANT FIIND YOU OTHERWII2E  
CA: nonomnoomk  
CA: okg stoip noi yelkimg  
TA: 2hiit, 2orry  
TA: here um  
TA: do you wanna be some place warm?  
CA: scodl yeea  
TA: then swim up, okay?  
CA: okkk

You do as you are told, still very confused.

CA: digfreend noiwe  
TA: okay  
TA: now ju2t  
TA: 2tay there, okay?  
CA: sol io awwnna  
CA: ddoo that hting  
CA: ewit  
CA: the  
CA: um  
CA: nfo movvbihn  
CA: or seeihn  
CA: s lirk  
CA: sss  
CA: sel  
CA: spe  
CA:sle  
CA: sleepin  
CA: yae  
CA: htat  
TA: no, you are not goiing two 2leep, you are 2taying awake, you are goiing two 2tay completely fuckiing con2ciiou2 untiil ii get there, do you under2tand  
CA: bu n tirnd  
TA: NO  
TA: DO NOT 2LEEP, DO NOT PA22 OUT, DO NOT EVEN CLO2E YOUR GOD DAMN EYE2  
CA: sscarrtyng me  
TA: GOOD

You are now Sollux Captor, and you are absolutely terrified. There is no doubt in your mind that Eridan has lost more blood than should be possible for a troll, and the typos would be pretty funny if all this wasn't so fucking SCARY.

Wait; You think you can see some purple in the waters nearby. You fly lower for a closer look.

Holy. shit. You gag when you see the sheer amount of purple in the water. It really is everywhere...  
And then you see a small shape in the distance - a mop of black, a shock of orange. Thank fuck.

TA: hey ed, ii thiink ii 2ee you  
CA: kj  
CA: waur i aee somethjbf  
TA: that'2 probably me  
CA: col  
TA: okay, ii'm headiing down two get you, don't move  
CA: sreoy guitta gu terhes a htin cominb

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]\--

TA: no, ed, dont-  
TA: god damn iit.


End file.
